This week, I'll be turning 45. The idea of "luxury" is an interesting thought right now. I'm not exactly a luxury kind of girl. The luxuries that I wish for certainly aren't things that anyone can give me and they aren't necessarily things that I could easily reach out and grab for myself.
I'd like the luxury of aging gracefully. It's time to color my hair again and I made the decision yesterday to let it come in gray from here on out. I've been coloring my hair for 20 years. The first one came when I was 25; now everything coming up is gray. What's wrong with aging anyway? If God intended for women to look 30 for their entire lives, he would have stopped the aging process for us right there. Why is it that when men turn gray, it's distinguished but when women turn gray, it's time to hide it with artificial color? It's actually quite hideous how the world is obsessed with stopping the aging process. Just go to any drug store and stroll the aisles. Face creams, anti-wrinkle creams and the list goes on. I'm certainly not a beautiful woman by magazine standards but I'm still happy with the genes that I've inherited. Mantra: I do not have to be a Barbie Doll to be accepted.
I'd like the luxury of waking up and having just one care-free day. I'm inundated with the stress of being unemployed and feeling inadequate because I'm not doing something impressive or contributing in bigger ways to our family. I'm trying to turn the other cheek with my ex-husband and stand my ground but he's on his own little vengeance trip and I've come to expect some type of ambush daily.
I'd like the luxury of seeing my son have a care-free life with no bullying and, if I could add in an extra wish, a few friends for him to hang with.
I'd like the luxury of experiencing peace with my daughter. What I wouldn't give to exchange conversation and kind words with her. I'm not sure which is worse, the deafening silence or the bitter words.
I'd like the luxury of taking about 75% of the clothes I own and hauling them out to the curb. I'd love to replace and update everything. Ok...that was one materialistic wish.