I have a lot to learn about nothing. I used to think that doing nothing wasn't that difficult. I've always craved my own down time. It goes all the way back to when I was a little girl. I was one of those kids who could play for hours by herself in her bedroom. I used to lay in the grass for hours watching clouds go by and hunting for four leaf clovers. I didn't have a care in the world and I knew nothing about the years to come. I was just a little girl living in the moment each and every day. Sometimes I yearn for that simplicity but the reality is that I'm a big girl now with her pockets overflowing with life stories actually lived. Stories of worry. Stories of regret. Stories of long journeys down paths that I can't seem to find yet. But mixed in there are also stories of happiness and stories of finding my feet.
Stories of true love.
I've been looking for work since June. During the summer, my days were spent hearing the voices of my kids but now they are back in school and the house is too quiet. The silence is sometimes deafening. I realize how much I've been programmed to be doing "something." When the silence really gets to me, I find this voice inside yelling, "what are you going to do now?!" And it is in that moment that I take a deep breath, put on some nice soothing meditation music and do some deep yoga stretches. I also have a CD called "Luxor Meditation" by John-Rodger which runs about 23 minutes and really allows me to chill out. Believe it or not, I find myself in a zone when I sew or do an art project. In those moments, I'm so immersed in the process that an hour could go by without thinking of anything. What have I learned this week? I've learned that the art of doing nothing is something that has to be learned and practiced. Like riding a bike or learning a new language, it's only as successful as the time you put in to it.