The first word that came to mind today was "growth". I have been stuck in old patterns of thinking for such a long time. There are 2 very specific areas where I need to grow and stretch: dealing with my ex-husband and finding the work life that is meant for me.
As you may know, I've been unemployed since June of this year. This has been a time of challenge for me. I've had to confront some really nasty self-sabotaging thoughts. Every day as I continue my job search, I feel frustrated. I'm answering ads for things that fit my "old life". Things that look interesting seem way out of my league and I find myself thinking horrible, limiting thoughts about my potential. I'm acutely aware of how society values a person's profession. It seems like everything I read is followed by the person's occupation and brief bio on their accomplishments and it leaves me feeling so insignificant. What is my true purpose here? There is a magnificent way of earning a living out there just for me but I have no idea how to get to it. My wish today is to destroy the old tapes and stretch my possibilities as far as they can go.
As far as my ex-husband is concerned, I've had a long history of swallowing my anger and letting him walk all over me. He gets away with so much because I never have the nerve to challenge and confront him. Instead of speaking to him directly, I've been directing harsh words to my kids instead. He often intimidates me with his craziness and he knows exactly how to cut me to shreds with a single word or two. He is a 47 year old emotional bully who is actually more like a scared little boy on the inside. Lately, I see myself stretching in the smallest ways. He no longer has control over me. I'm remarried and living a wonderful, loving life with my soul mate. Actually, he never had the control in the first place; I simply reacted in ways to his behavior that gave him the upper hand. This week, I set the wheels in motion with the court system, which is something I avoided for far too long. I'm no longer afraid of his reaction. I'm prepared to speak my mind and stand my ground. Today, my wish is to keep stretching in ways that make me more confident and strong when dealing with him and his parents.