These days find me in an odd place. I haven't quite been my usual self. Without my role as "worker", I'm floundering around on dry land like a fish out of water. I'm constantly in the state of processing a million thoughts daily. I feel small and lost at times. I never realized how a job title defined who I was for so long and it stings every time I realize the value people place on what others do for a living. Although my previous job wasn't even a high end power position, I was still a woman with a purpose every day; a place to go, an entity collecting a paycheck and contributing much more than I do now. Some days the time flies by and others it feels like the walls are closing in. And through all of this, I struggle with seriously tough questions like,
Does God really exist when the times are hard like this?
Does my husband still see me for the good things he fell in love with?
Do my kids respect that I'm home now?
Do I really need to write like I used to? Cook like I used to?
Do I have worth when I'm not working?
Am I less attractive because of this struggle?
So today, I wish to say yes to all of my doubting questions. Yes to letting God in. Yes, I am a good wife and mother. Yes, I need to have my creative outlets. Yes I am worthy and loved and attractive. Yes, I will find the perfect way to generate income and feel important with myself. Yes, I am enough.