Gratitude

This past weekend, Breen and I went to church. We had not been in quite a long time. Initially, when we first discovered that Reverend John would not be doing the service, I was hesitant about "the quality" of the service. Boy, did I misjudge that one! The sermon was on gratitude; specifically unconditional gratitude. And by this I mean the idea of being grateful without basing it on external things. For example, when I say that I'm grateful for my husband, children, the roof over our heads and my health, I really am grateful. But, if my husband left tomorrow, my kids were suddenly not here, I found myself homeless with failing health, would I still be grateful? Of course those are extreme examples but the point is, what would you be grateful for if all the familiar external blessings suddenly changed?

Lately, I haven't been myself. Where is my joy, I ask myself. I feel like 100 years old. I don't feel that wonderful sense of playfulness and I feel less than attractive. Some days I feel like my worth is tied to the kitchen and the washing machine. I know these stories I tell myself aren't true. I know I am filled with an abundance of good things; I just don't let them come out and shine these days. But life has taught me that you have to hold hands with the crappiness just as much as you would hold hands with the joyfulness. You have to walk right alongside all the feelings until you reach a new part of your path. So today I am grateful for being. Each new day is a gift, even if you find yourself in a bad spot. A new day is a chance to do things differently than you did the day before. Just being here on the planet with a chance to keep stepping out and learning are reasons enough to be grateful.