Monday, November 2, 2009
planting new seeds
If you've been following along for a while, you know that I'm job hunting. More important than "job hunting" is the search for my right livelihood. So often I think people stay inside their boxes. Especially those of us who have accumulated years of life experiences plus the conditioning we got over and over again from our childhoods. We tell ourselves limiting thoughts and after a while we forget the joy of unlimited possibilities. I am so tired of finding myself harping over my age and skill set. I'm so tired of being intimidated by my ex, even though we haven't been together for years.
Today I realized that I've been looking back too much and reflecting on my past experiences. My first marriage was the worst 12 years of my adulthood. Woven in there are the jobs I took which really did nothing for my spirit. But guess what? I'm no longer in that crappy marriage and I'm no longer working those crappy jobs. Sure I'm 45 but I've also been given the most amazing blessing of a new marriage to an amazing man and finding myself with no job. It's like I've been given a whole new plot of land to plant some new seeds. A blank canvas to paint. In my mind and spirit I can be ageless. I can feel the joy of starting just where I am today with a handful of seeds and a plot of fresh tilled soil. If you're over 30, do you remember when you were fresh out of high school and the world was your oyster? Many of us had no kids back then. No real bills. No real responsibilities. Everything was new and full of possibility. We can still go back there any time and at any age just by changing our thinking habits. I don't have to keep time travelling to my past and limit my thinking or define myself by the skill sets that never served me well in the first place. Having new seeds to sow is my biggest gift and blessing. That, my friends, is joy. Pure joy.