Wishcasting Wednesday...what do you wish to share?

Lately, I've been such a curmudgeon, you know? On most days, if you asked me what I'd like to share, I certainly wouldn't want to pass on my outward behavior. But, each day I am coming to embrace and understand that I am going through this period of time for a reason. I am exactly where I need to be right now and it will pass and when it does, I'll be at such a good place with myself. Little pieces are starting to come together for me. INSIDE of me is the place where my pure joy and purpose really live. Inside of me, at the core of my soul, is a loving heart so big; so compassionate; so ready to share.

I wish to share pieces of my journey to those who are young enough to just be starting out on their theirs or to those who have been on their journey for a long time. At 45, I've learned so much. I'm certainly no voice of authority but I've got so much to share.

I wish to share my joy and compassion in a setting where I am working with others; either teaching or owning my own store. Every time I walk in to a school, I am overcome with regret that I changed my major in college from Early Childhood Education. I love working with people; especially young children. I'm looking in to what I need to do to obtain a teaching certificate in my state.

I wish to share with the world how very much I adore my husband. The man is a saint in my book. No matter the mood I find myself in, he patiently sits by with his love and support. I believe it's because of him that I can move through this transition and get to the other side where I can be me but a thousand times better. He inspires me and silently guides me every single day. My world would not be the same without him in it. I pinch myself wondering why he chose me.

I wish to share how important it is to help others that have a more difficult time in the world. My son is going through a difficult time right now with social issues. Any shred of compassion that I have, I learned from him. I've learned that "being different" does not mean "being damaged." We can learn so much from people who see the world in a different way. Because of my son, I'm learning to serve others. I think that's one reason why God gave me Max so that I could find my compassionate voice and use it for the highest good.

I wish to share my art updates with you over here.

I wish to share a FREE APRON GIVEAWAY with you over here!

Gratitude

This past weekend, Breen and I went to church. We had not been in quite a long time. Initially, when we first discovered that Reverend John would not be doing the service, I was hesitant about "the quality" of the service. Boy, did I misjudge that one! The sermon was on gratitude; specifically unconditional gratitude. And by this I mean the idea of being grateful without basing it on external things. For example, when I say that I'm grateful for my husband, children, the roof over our heads and my health, I really am grateful. But, if my husband left tomorrow, my kids were suddenly not here, I found myself homeless with failing health, would I still be grateful? Of course those are extreme examples but the point is, what would you be grateful for if all the familiar external blessings suddenly changed?

Lately, I haven't been myself. Where is my joy, I ask myself. I feel like 100 years old. I don't feel that wonderful sense of playfulness and I feel less than attractive. Some days I feel like my worth is tied to the kitchen and the washing machine. I know these stories I tell myself aren't true. I know I am filled with an abundance of good things; I just don't let them come out and shine these days. But life has taught me that you have to hold hands with the crappiness just as much as you would hold hands with the joyfulness. You have to walk right alongside all the feelings until you reach a new part of your path. So today I am grateful for being. Each new day is a gift, even if you find yourself in a bad spot. A new day is a chance to do things differently than you did the day before. Just being here on the planet with a chance to keep stepping out and learning are reasons enough to be grateful.

Six Word Saturday

The image of numbers fascinates me.

I love numbers. Maybe in a past life, I was a numbers guru or a high rolling gambler. Who knows? Yesterday was my birthday and I was adamant this year about NO GIFTS. I broke my own rule though and bought myself a gift. I stumbled across this giant dice and simply had to have it. My lucky number also happens to be 52. But that's another story for another day.....

PS: my husband came home with flowers for me and inside the bouquets were two pairs of funky reading glasses, which I also love!

The Joy Diet: Nothing

I have a lot to learn about nothing. I used to think that doing nothing wasn't that difficult. I've always craved my own down time. It goes all the way back to when I was a little girl. I was one of those kids who could play for hours by herself in her bedroom. I used to lay in the grass for hours watching clouds go by and hunting for four leaf clovers. I didn't have a care in the world and I knew nothing about the years to come. I was just a little girl living in the moment each and every day. Sometimes I yearn for that simplicity but the reality is that I'm a big girl now with her pockets overflowing with life stories actually lived. Stories of worry. Stories of regret. Stories of long journeys down paths that I can't seem to find yet. But mixed in there are also stories of happiness and stories of finding my feet.
Stories of true love.

I've been looking for work since June. During the summer, my days were spent hearing the voices of my kids but now they are back in school and the house is too quiet. The silence is sometimes deafening. I realize how much I've been programmed to be doing "something." When the silence really gets to me, I find this voice inside yelling, "what are you going to do now?!" And it is in that moment that I take a deep breath, put on some nice soothing meditation music and do some deep yoga stretches. I also have a CD called "Luxor Meditation" by John-Rodger which runs about 23 minutes and really allows me to chill out. Believe it or not, I find myself in a zone when I sew or do an art project. In those moments, I'm so immersed in the process that an hour could go by without thinking of anything. What have I learned this week? I've learned that the art of doing nothing is something that has to be learned and practiced. Like riding a bike or learning a new language, it's only as successful as the time you put in to it.

A new find

I'm so excited, I could pee myself. Seriously. These days, I've inflicted so much stress upon myself that when something truly joyful and sublime comes across the radar, I stop for a moment and check to see if there are any candid cameras in the room. A new food find usually brings me joy and today was no exception. I was in Trader Joe's this morning when I spotted Sesame Crepes on the shelf. I snatched up a package immediately. $1.19 for two 7 1/2 inch crepes which are covered with sesame seeds, a little sugar, peanuts and cashews. Half a crepe is all you need for a delicious snack. I cut my half in to little wedges and topped each one with fresh fruit, peanut butter and honey. You do the math; this packet provides 4 days worth of afternoon bliss for less than 30 cents per day. Well? What are you waiting for? Get thyself to Trader Joe's!

Wishcasting Wednesday: what luxury do you wish for?

This week, I'll be turning 45. The idea of "luxury" is an interesting thought right now. I'm not exactly a luxury kind of girl. The luxuries that I wish for certainly aren't things that anyone can give me and they aren't necessarily things that I could easily reach out and grab for myself.

I'd like the luxury of aging gracefully. It's time to color my hair again and I made the decision yesterday to let it come in gray from here on out. I've been coloring my hair for 20 years. The first one came when I was 25; now everything coming up is gray. What's wrong with aging anyway? If God intended for women to look 30 for their entire lives, he would have stopped the aging process for us right there. Why is it that when men turn gray, it's distinguished but when women turn gray, it's time to hide it with artificial color? It's actually quite hideous how the world is obsessed with stopping the aging process. Just go to any drug store and stroll the aisles. Face creams, anti-wrinkle creams and the list goes on. I'm certainly not a beautiful woman by magazine standards but I'm still happy with the genes that I've inherited. Mantra: I do not have to be a Barbie Doll to be accepted.

I'd like the luxury of waking up and having just one care-free day. I'm inundated with the stress of being unemployed and feeling inadequate because I'm not doing something impressive or contributing in bigger ways to our family. I'm trying to turn the other cheek with my ex-husband and stand my ground but he's on his own little vengeance trip and I've come to expect some type of ambush daily.

I'd like the luxury of seeing my son have a care-free life with no bullying and, if I could add in an extra wish, a few friends for him to hang with.

I'd like the luxury of experiencing peace with my daughter. What I wouldn't give to exchange conversation and kind words with her. I'm not sure which is worse, the deafening silence or the bitter words.

I'd like the luxury of taking about 75% of the clothes I own and hauling them out to the curb. I'd love to replace and update everything. Ok...that was one materialistic wish.

A time to play....

Yesterday, I took Max to an old train station where he filmed some of the track action. While he filmed, I played around with my camera (pictures best viewed large):







Then I played with some images I already had:



Enough playing for now. While I got lost in time yesterday, the laundry piled up and the bathroom never got cleaned. A million little things always need attention. I'm glad I always find time for a little play.